in the sense that you come from the valley up into the mountains into this beautiful box canyon sort of valley and have this quaint little town in front of you... only surrounded by rainforest here (as opposed to near 14,000 foot peaks in Telluride).... same, but different. The town has recently been named one of the top 5 places in the world to retire (according to Modern Maturity Magazine (I shit you not), so needless to say, there are a lot of grumpy, gimpy old farts running around who drive almost as crazily as the locals, which is no easy feat! (The only difference is the locals know they're driving on the wrong side of the road). Downtown is overlooked in every direction by coffee fincas and the odd gated community. The way things are going it looks like that situation will be reversed in the coming years with the construction of the road into Boquete from 2 to 4 lanes and the expantion of the regional airport into an international one, planned to be completed in the next 2 years. Coffee finca owners are selling plots of land for $1.5million and moving on to other parts of the country. I believe the Talking Heads wrote a song 30 years ago about Mojique, "he sees the foreigners in growing numbers, he sees the foreigners in fancy houses.". It will be very interesting to see what happens to this town in the coming years. Boquete's climate is perfect for growing coffee and has won somethng like 80% of the gold medal awards at international coffee tastings in the past 10-15 years. In fact, I went on this coffee tour at a local farm and was told that of all coffee growing countries, Panama is one of the smallest as far as production is concerned, but has some of the highest quality beans on the market. I was also told that the famous Juan Valdez
(of Columbian coffee '70's pop culture fame) was merely a brand name and that the actors name was Carlos Sanchez. In fact there were 2 actors that played Juan Valdez, but Carlos was from '69 on, so he is the man I am refering to. I am still in shock, barely able to hold on to the few threads that hold my reality together. Worlds are crumbling as my vision of lonely, hard working Juan Valdez (and his trusted steed (read: mule) named Lana) spends a lifetime away from his family and loved ones simply to hand pick the beans for little ol' me and my perfect cup of coffee, made only with the finest Columbian Arrabica beans, "picked by hand, by Juan Valdez". Standing in a hill of furious fire ants quickly brought me back to reality. As I freaked out trying to brush them off my leg I stumbled into a nearby Castor Tree that the tour guide informed me was poisonous. Castor Trees are used to make Castor Oil, which the older folks reading this will remember was used back in the day to help with certain stomach and digestive ailments. They keep the Castor Trees here because they are also poisonous to insects as well and acting as a natural insecticide for the coffee trees. The fruits are poisonous as well. Our guide, Carlos the comedian, stated that 3 of the fruits, if eaten, would kill you. One time, according to Carlos, a woman ate 3 but was fine. Her husband told her to eat 2 more just to be sure it was actually a Castor Tree. Oh, that Carlos! After I got up from my stumble and the Spanish and 2 Irish girls stopped laughing at me we went on with the tour. Actually the coffee tour turned out to be really fun and informative. Too bad I don't drink coffee that often. At least now I know that you are an idiotic fool if you put milk or sugar in your coffee, not to mention that those of you that like French Roast should be shot. Apparently, European Roast (or Light Roast) is the way that one must roast the beans if one is to truely appreciate the delicate and subtle qualities of fine coffee. I also now have a greater appreciation at the (relative) slave labor goes into the process. Quite torturous, to be honest. One of the coolest things was how (this particular finca) used the natural trees (like the poisonous Castor) as cover for the coffee plants. They kept over 40 different types of native trees as shade trees, not to mention the fact that they liked to have birds around, since they eat insects, but not coffee. The whole mentality of the place was really rather forward thinking and very eco-friendly. They also recently got certified by the ISO for their eco friendly use of the land and the treatment of their labor force (I was just kidding earlier about the slave labor because a good coffee picker can make up to $25 a day in Panama as opposed to the $3 a day in El Salvador). The name of the finca was Casa Ruiz (or Cafe Ruiz de Boquete), in case any of you coffee snobs are curious and want to do a Google search. Quite impressive, I have to say! Another day I hiked the world famous Sendero de los Quetzales (Quetzal Trail)
which is really not that famous but a very nice hike through primary rain forest nearby the local volcano. It seemes every town or region has a local volcano down here.... I wasn't all that impressed.
The trail was nice except for the fact the fact that it winds through 2 families backyards. They were members of the local indigenous population and don't speak very much (if any) Spanish and apparently smiling is not a part of their culture too. Although I probably wouldn't smile if some pasty white people had come and stole the land from my ancestors, introduced infectious diseases which my forefathers had no immunity to, forced their strange religion on to me and changed the very nature of my reality, made me wear shirts and full length pants in this stifling jungle heat, not to mention continuously walking through my back yard when I just wanted some peace and quiet from the wife who won't stop nagging me about why I can't provide a simple meal of Possum stew for our family because i'm always so busy using my machette to mow the yard which seems to grow back as quickly as I finish chopping it while this bizarely tall tourist takes pictures of me continuously simply because I own a machette. So, I suppose I can see how they might not smile, but, honestly, all I was looking for was a simple 'hola' or a nod. Is that so much to ask for? Geez, whats wrong with these people, do I need to show them how to make a cheeseburger, I mean, it's not that hard to mess up! Seriously! I don't want Yucca fries, I want french fries. Parlez usted Ingles?! Is that the way you dress looking for a job on a weekday?!
Sorry about that rant, the heat must be getting to me... but I digress. The hike was nice even though I had to poo in the jungle and wipe my butt with a broad leaf plant
that I prayed was not a cousin of the Castor Tree, like at the coffee finca. As bad as I had to go though, I would have been happy if it was a mild irritant but I lucked out and found out by trial and error that it was harmless... so far. Next stop, more mountain rain forest and uncomfortable long distance bus rides. More to come soon!
