So, upon entry into Pana from a nearby quaint little village, I arrived by lancha (water taxi/shuttle). As I boarded the vessel, the captain was kind enough to grab my backpack and put it on the roof, so as to not over exert myself. We arrived at our destination 30 minutes later, I disembarked and made my way to my new home for the next two nights. After unpacking I found it strange that I couldn't find my ipod. I looked in all the pockets and all the wierd spots, but no ipod. Strange, I thought, because I was sure I had packed it, in fact, it was near the top of my backpack. Hmmmm. So that was why the captain wanted it on top of the lancha, so he could get his hands on anything of value without anyone noticing. I phoned the previous nights hotel, just to make sure I hadn't left it in the room. They were extremely nice during my stay and I had no doubts to their honesty. They asked me if I had put my bag on the top of the lancha, which I did, and that made up their minds that that was what had happened to my ipod. Apparently, it is a well know fact among locals, that if you want to buy something on the "black market" on the lake, the lancha boys are where you go, they can get their hands on anything you need, if they don't already have it.
It had only been 45 minutes since I arrived, so I thought I would go down to the dock and see if I could buy my Ipod back. I'm here for another 4 months so having music would be very helpful on those long lazy nights in the jungle. I made my way down and introduced myself to the boys, telling them I misplaced my ipod on the lancha and if it had been found that I would happily pay the person handsomely. They immediately were suspicious of me and said they had not heard of anything but I should talk to Alejandro because he was "the man" on the docks. Alejandro turned out to be very helpful and felt confident, with the information I had given him, and the fact that I was willing to pay a "reward" to the finder, my electronic device could be found. Money makes the world go 'round, right? He told me to return to the docks the next afternoon and he would see what he could do. I sweetened the deal telling him I would give him, personally, a bottle of Jack Daniels simply for locating the thing. I had heard that Jack was hard to get down here and that it was worth a boatload per bottle. Besides I have been dragging around the extra weight for the previous 4 weeks and have not had the opportunity to rid myself of the extra weight, yet.
The next afternoon came and I returned to the docks with the small hope that I would not suffer in musical silence for the next four months of my journey. Unfortunately, Alejandro told me that no captains had found any ipods of any sort and that it was "bad luck". I'm not trying to paint an unrealistic picture of ol' Alejandro here, he seemed like the kind of guy that lived by the mantra, 'nothing happens on these docks without me knowing about it'. A Guatemalan mafioso, if you will. Regardless, I was shit out of luck and started my short walk home when, lo and behold, an amigo tells me he has seen this mini computer machine of mine, and that he could get it back for me for a mere 400Q ($50). He told me, and I quote, "a junkie sold it to my narcotrafficer buddy for coke and he would be happy to sell it back to me for the 400Q ($50) of product he traded away for it". I was truely amazed (insert sarcasm here) that this random amigo would know exactly where it was, how it had gotten there and how much it would cost to get back my beloved ipod. I was waiting for him to lead me to the basement of The Alamo where it was right next to Pee Wee's bike. I was feeling rather adventurous so I said I would go with him and pay the randsom. We hopped on his motorcycle and were off to the town center to make a call. He talked to his friend for a minute, then gave me the phone where I agreed to pay the 400Q if he, indeed had my ipod and we would meet in the town center, next to the church (I am not making this up, here's a picture of it) to make the handoff.
Back on the bike and we sped to the church, only we took a wrong turn and ended up on a small dirt road. The funny part was that my new found amigo told me his name twice on the journey and both times they were different names. First Armando, then something like Lionel. I asked him which it was, and he said his name was actually Armando Lionel Hernandez. Some friends called him Armando and some called him Lionel, just to clear up any cofusion. This is the exact kind of stuff that any person with an ounce of street smarts would tell you not to do, go off with a stranger in a strage town. This is how people get hurt. Possibly so, but I had less than 50Q on me, nothing of value and, like I said, I was feeling adventurous. But not adventurous in the American Hero, 'i'm gonna take on the whole town and karate chop my way to glory while retrieving my ipod' kind of way, but more in the English 'slightly drunk in the afternoon, amused at the trouble someone would go through for $50 (27 Quid), let's see where this tom foolery takes us, nonchalant' kind of way.
Back to the slightly deserted dirt road. Oh, and before there, as we were driving to his friend the narcotrafficers' house, he said that that house was right accross the bridge. But before we made it to the bridge, we did a 180 and he said that another way was faster. This was the moment I found it hard not to laugh. Now, on the dirt road he stops and tells me to get off and wait here, give him the money and he'll be back in 5 minutes, licketysplit. I said I would happily pay for the ipod when I saw it but i was not gonna pay until I saw it. He stated that I couldn't go to the narcotrafficers house because then I would know where he lived and then I could, conceivably, tell the police. Again I said no. Then he said to give him half the money and he would return. I declined. OK, 100Q then the rest on return. I said no, only when i see my ipod. At this point, I think he saw that I knew what was what and he sped off. It took me 5 minutes to walk back to my hotel, laughing the whole way. Now, it sucks not having music and I hate getting ripped off like that, but the whole experience of the Guatemalan dock working mafioso, my all knowing amigo on the motorcycle and his reclusive narcotrafficing buddy was definitely worth losing the ipod. I mean, if I could have had those experiences and still had the ipod, I would defintely prefer that, but all things considered, it was a pretty hilariously foolish day.
This is totally disconnected, but when I got to my hotel, these rules were posted. #2 is priceless, my favorite, by far!
